I am still crying and I don't know why. it's really stupid. cause I know the memories are fading.. & seriously, they are fading tremendously. I met a boy, who is 4 yrs younger than me. I know we aint gotta be lovers, I just hope we will be friends.. don't know if he is thinking the same way as I do? I really don't know. A lot of stuffs have been happening btw me and Vense. So so so much.. That I wish sometimes I could just give it all up and be single once again.. Stupid? I know. All my colleagues and friends had been telling me the same. Sighs- Giving up my house, my family, my daughter, my everything... Is it worth, for just 1 guy? I doubt so. I will not. If I would and I will, I would have went off with my ex. Not with this young chap.. I guess. Hahaha. Lame shit. Well. I don't know. If 1 day I really cant take down all this shit.. I guess, I wouldn't give a damn. Not for anyone. But for myself. Yeah? =] It's a relief that my husband is willing to take it all down, even tho I have kinda let him down mentally, not physically.. I mean, I let him down cause Im still in the mood of playing around, but not fcuking around with any other guys.. Arghhs.. I really hope I can settle down at my age.. Hais... with nobody to understand what Im going through, it's really okay.. I will be fine. But sorry dear Husband, Im still playful at my age. Yes I do admit. However, I know what I should or shouldn't be doing.. If I really let you down, I would have just gone onto bed with any other guy, but I did not. I know you are upset and despair, cause I message other guys but that was truly out of boredom. I seriously do not know what the fcuk I want.. Until.. The day you discovered our secret conversations, but yet, you let down your ego.. and treat me even better than before. I am sorry. I know Im a mother of one. And I should know where my limits are, and where I stand.. Im sorry dear. I will love you better.. I swear. For the sake of our house or whatever.. for our daughter? I don't know. I will learn to love you more, Im sorry.