Wednesday, August 29, 2007

__* Sorrow . `+

Why did you drink ? Why did you fight ? Is it because I aint around to supervise and take care of you .. And you have become rebellious once more ?

I wish to move on .. I seriously do . But how could I possibly have my life back , when Im hearing things about you every now and then .. Please stop doing those stupid things and making everyone worried abt you . Though I cant be by ur side looking after you , but I really hope you can think wise and take gd care of urself ..

~ { Wednesday, August 29, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

__* When You're Gone .. `+

Im tired . Tired of seeing you .. Seeing your friends . Tired , of working at the place where you will always be .
I really dont know what to do .

You initiated the break-up , but then I can hear from others that ur feeling "emo" and talking things about us .. Im confused . You're like hanging me in mid-air and keeping me in suspense , pushing me to death . You acted like you dont care , but you still messaged asking where am I .. Doubting my whereabouts exactly like the way you used to . But when I still hope and pray for one last chance , you told me you needed some time .

Friends around think that I'd changed ; I'd turned bad . Even Mum .. She hates me now . I really dont know what to do without you . I feel so empty and as if my soul had departed . I just aint me anymore ..

Sad to say . Today is the 1st week that we'd been apart .. Days seemed like years when Im alone .

Dar , I miss you . Miss the times when I'd always disturb you before we go to sleep .. Miss your piggy-backs .. Miss bullying you and teasing you a big fat pig .. Miss you helping me take drinks when Im thirsty . Miss your hugs before sleep .. Miss ur kisses before u go to work .. Miss ur craps and bull-shits .. Miss holding your hands .. Miss pinching you .. Miss seeing you do stupid things when I requested .. Miss seeing you blush .. Miss your laughters .. Miss your naggings .. Miss you alot alot .. Sigh .

Think I'll stop here .. Tears are flowing like free now .

~ { Tuesday, August 28, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, August 25, 2007

__* Last Goodbye . `+

I went back his place for the last time to get back all my stuffs . He did not ask for me to stay .. But only asked if Im going back home . He seemed worried that I'd run out .. But all these matters no more . Cause the main objective is that he did not even try to salvage this relationship , and it hurts . His parents just watched silently as I made my way out from the house .. It's like a farewell scene . I wanted a last hug from him , but I did not have the courage to make any move .

Sitting all alone at the small playground downstairs his place , tears started to flow .. Heard quarrelling noises coming out from his house . I was lost & confused .. Finally plucked up the courage to message him , asking if he still love me or not ? He only replied that he needs more time .. Though I said okay , but deep down I knew that there couldnt possibly be any chance of rekindling . After staying for awhile , I walked off and took a cab back , feeling unwell ..

Last night went drinking with my brothers . I was actually quite okay in the beginning .. But as Eric started to lecture me , I couldnt held back my tears . He patted me on my head .. To me , I know he really meant well . Perhaps one cant forced to love , I should have just let it go . Derrick and I played guessing games as usual .. He lost umpteen times to me . He drank quite alot too . I know he aint feeling any better either , having lost his 4 years relationship not long ago .. I dont know how to console him . We just continued drinking till the pub close .

I was drunk dead . Vomitted quite alot in the cab with Derrick .. I lied on his shoulders . He sent me to my doorsteps , which Im really very grateful . Dad opened the door . He was frustrated upon seeing me drunk .. He wanted to beat Derrick up , but I pushed him back and went back to my room . Dad shouted at me . But I can no longer feel a thing .. Mum & Dad were real disappointed with me . Im really sorry . I just need some private space for myself .. Please give me time to adapt living back in my own world .

I wish to move on .. Though it's isnt easy , especially when my workplace is at his often whereabouts . It's tough having to face his friends and still smile pretending nothing had happened .

I have once again failed to cherish someone important .

~ { Saturday, August 25, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, August 23, 2007

__* Going CRAZY . `+

You asked Sebast & Gerald to come my shop today to check on me , didnt you ? Why cant you just simply come in and ask me to go home with you .. Sigh . Im really so god damn confused . It's like you're behaving the different way as what you meant in ur words . You want to break uh ? Then why still care about my whereabouts ? Why still ask Joyce to call me ? Haas .. I really dont know what you're thinking . All along these 4 mths , I havent got to understand you a single bit at all . What are you really up to ? Do you still love me or what .. Please stop stirring up my feelings every now and then . I cant take it no more .. I went bonkers during working hours . I saw you . I dont know how to react .. I walked away . David told you that he saw me , didnt he ? He pointed at me , I know . But you did not turn round .. It's okay , cause it'll be real awkward . Frankly speaking . Justin & Marcus are going after me , but I dont think I'll be entering yet another relationship so soon .. I just dont know what to do anymore . I feel so lost deep inside .. Sorry for making things end up this way . But I will still love you , and nothing else more ..

~ { Thursday, August 23, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

__* 210407 - 210807 . `+

Baby , I seriously dont know what went wrong into me .. I did flared my anger at you , but thats only because I had fallen too deep for you . You told me to have more trust in you , but I just cant do it . Imagine me talking on the phone with a guy every single night and claimed that I only wanted to pull string between my girlfriend and that guy . Have you ever stand in my shoes and spare thoughts for me ? I mean this is really fine with me , but why did you have to hide the truth that you guys were together watching movie while I was working ? It's really irony . Havent ur friend himself got hands to do the messaging with that girl or the mouth to sweet-talk with her ? This has gone over my boundary alright ? That is why I lost my temper .. Ok , perhaps I was too harsh in my words but I wasnt in the wrong . And you broke with me .

You had always reminded me not to break with you before you break with me .. This is selfish , but I can take it . I tolerate all your shits . Having spent my weekend off day at ur place alone waiting for you to come back .. You told me that you only wanted to send Yuan Qing home and asked me to wait for you . Yes I did . I cried myself to sleep while waiting for you , kept thinking abt that girl and you .. When I woke up , you werent there . I called you . I was angry . Cause it was evening . You said you were playing billard , but you didnt call back and tell me .. I asked what time you were coming back ? You said "Soon" . I waited again . But it was already night time ! I was fcuking pissed-off . You know why ? Not because I got to waste my off day at ur place alone .. Is cause you chose to enjoy and being out there with ur brothers and not with me . And you know that it wasnt easy to have my off days at weekends .. Nevermind . It's okay . But what really annoys me is that you that time kept complaining that I have no time for you .. As in , I did not accompany you on my off days . But do you know what you're doing ? Now Im changing for you , but ur taking me for granted .

We quarrelled over mutual trust . Over that girl . I nagged at you , and you said you know what ur doing .. If you dont love me anymore , then you could have break with me earlier . Ok , I listened and hold my anger . You also added that when I give attitude and slammed the door at ur place , I did not think about how ur Mum & Uncle would feel .. Somemore I show black face to everyone .

But did you know that while you're not around , ur Mum gives me face to see ? As if I'd owed her money . She not happy can show me faces , so cant I even show my anger for once ? You were not even there at home ! I stayed at ur place only for ur sake . I tolerate all these shits just for you . I took out all my piercings just because they wouldnt like it .. I request off days on weekends but have you ever appreciate it ? Every single thing that I had done to be a better girlfriend , did you ever sit down and reflect on ur roles ?

Today , I was working with the boss and Riziah . You sent me a sms asking for a break-up .. You said that since this thing make us so unhappy then might as well go separate ways .. I wanted to fight back the tears , but my attempt was failed . I cried at workplace , profusely and uncontrollably . Joyce & Bee came and find me .. I poured out all my sorrows . Joyce helped me call up his friends and scolded them , cause it was them who asked my guy to help them talk with the girl . I scolded them on the phone too .

I called my boss , requesting for off today .. He knew abt my matter . He agreed without hestitating and told Jolyn to come down all the way from SK to CCK to accompany me , and it was actually her off day . Thanks alot "Mummy" . Thanks Boss for being understanding ..

I kept crying . I didnt want to . I wanted a chance to talk to my guy .. But calls couldnt be made through . Bee asked him to come down talk things out with me , but he didnt want to . I was desperate . My guy asked me to go back to work then he'll come down Lot 1 .. But even if I go back to work , he come down Lot 1 also like that . Cause I dont think he'll come looking for me . There's a part where I was on the phone with my guy finally .. I asked him if he had really decided on this break-up , and his answer was "Yes" . They asked me to go down Teck Whye find him , cause he's there .. But I dont want . Cause Im not the one at fault .. What's more , why should I be the one begging him to stay ? I'm not the old Rabbit anymore . If he dont love me , then so be it .

I was upset though . I went out with Jolyn .. At night went to her place eat . His friend , Kang Wei called . I hung up . My guy called many times . I hung up too . He even msg me asking where am I . But I did not reply his message .. Just now even when I reached home , he's still giving me calls . I ignored them all .

Im just so frustrated and also upset at the same time .. It's like we'd been together for 4 mths already , and he's still doing things he's not supposed to . And this is the 2nd time he's helping his friend to talk with the girl .. Previously the incident happens on Joyce and I was damn pissed-off already . He had promised not to do that again , but why did he now ? I had come to understand that our love is just so fragile ..
And that I'll never be at the 1st priority in his heart .

~ { Wednesday, August 22, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Sunday, August 19, 2007

__* Devastation .`+

The previous post is for some other guy . This post is regarding my own guy .

I was real upset for what had happened , but dont wish to mention anymore .. Cause I did what I wasnt supposed to , so did he . Fair & square . But no matter how crazy I might be out there fooling around or whatsoever , my heart only has place for him and no one else . This I can assure everyone whose heart arent at ease .. However , for his case , it might be vice versa . And it can be a heart pain thing . It's okay to me , as long as I dont stand to witness any part of the process .

Yesterday during work , two young foreign hunks wanted to get my contact . But I joked and replied , "Sorry , Im too poor to afford a phone .." My colleague said that it's a waste not to exchange contacts with them , cause they must be from a well-off family background or something like that . I told them that i love only one , and that will have to be my guy . Though they dont seemed to believe my words , but that doesnt affect me anyway .. As far as I know , my conscience is clear and its all that matters ya ? There're guys asking for a chance , but temptations aint shaking me .

Today is Sunday . Im now still idling around Bunny's place with Jolyn .. But the both of them had gone off to sleep soon after our games and drinking session . It was really fun hanging out with them . Though the 3 of us had a big tiff not long ago , but I guess our bonds would be bindered closely by now .. Later Jolyn will be heading for work at CCK , and I'll be going down too . Kinda awkward to face my guy now .. I dont know what to say to him . Sigh .

For working schedules , if they put my off days on weekends .. I'd be more glad than ever . Cause I wish to spend quality time with my guy .. The things I'd done for him underhand , he might never know them all . But it's really fine for me .. I just hope he will commit his true feelings into this coming 4 months relationship , and stop harbour those naive thinkings in his head . I just wanna have a stable life .. Is it really so tough ?

~ { Sunday, August 19, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, August 16, 2007

__* One Step Closer ? `+

Sorry for telling the truth . If I'd known that this would be the outcome , I never would have wanna reveal my feelings . I didnt expect things to turn out this way .. I really dont know what to say . You asked me why I hadnt said so earlier , cause you had felt the same way too . Perhaps I felt that there wouldnt be any harbour between the both of us .. You were surrounded by so many friends . You were popular . But I was not so . I felt so out of space when I was with you guys .. But thinking back , maybe I wasnt . Gotta admit that I was kinda over-reacting . Whatever it is , it's all the past I thought . But to you , it hasnt turned historic ..

You kept asking how is it that you cant be compared with him ? No , you are good . Really . I can sensed it , even on the first day we met .. Maybe I simply wasnt good enough , thats all . Please dont indulge urself into me .. Im not worth ur efforts or wait . Im really sorry for making you fall for me . I know Im an asshole .

Anyway , just now I really wanted to turn and walk away .. I was angry . But it's your big day , I didnt wanna spoil it all . Btw , hope you will bring the bracelet along with you no matter where you are . Remember this , though we cant be together but ah toot & ah gong will be besties till the end .. Take care , cause I care .

*Thanks Marcus & his friend for accompany me wait till morning for 1st bus . I did enjoy myself last night .

~ { Thursday, August 16, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

__* Wait For You `+

I had been working immunely every single passing day , and trying not to let my mind run wild . Guess I had almost make it through .. Am proud to be . Working at Lot 1 has been fun especially together with my long lost good friend . Boss has confirmed me to be a permanent full-time employee within just one short month , due to my satisfying performance except for my punctuality as usual , of course . Right now , Im so looking forward to my on-coming commisions ahead and nothing more . Last month I had been graded the top late-comer among all .. But I did it on purpose as I was unwilling to be on runs between Queensway & CCK . I was lazy to crawl outta bed earlier . Well , anyway I had kinda made a couple of friends with the customers over there .. Haas . I do like my job though the pay isnt that tremendous .

Just now after work , Jolyn and I went down to Chinatown and got our necks inked . We were quite contented with the outcome .. Hope those ink is of good quality to last us perhaps for a century uh ? =]

Wednesday is my off day . Happy I will so be !

~ { Tuesday, August 07, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, August 02, 2007

__* LOVE-less `+

Just when I thought that he's gone forever from my life , he appeared once more . Never would I expect him to call me again .. But he did . I was at my guy's place , but I did not tell the truth . I had wanted so much to talk with him , to hear his voice .. Even if it is for very last time , I was willing to lay down my life . But I guess that was all in the past .. Nevertheless , we did chatted for a short while .

Sharing back our past memories , seems sad and teary . We both knew our wrongs and faults , but no one ever bother to do any explanations no more .. As I'd mentioned , it's merely flapping through pages of history . *Sigh - Well .. I guess , some things are best left unspoken . I know I cant erase everything from my mind , cause it will always stay the same in my heart .. But that's okay , for I dont have much time to brood over such matters already . =]

I came back home today from work . It's been weeks since I saw my family .. Tomorrow is Mum's off day , so is mine as requested . Sorry for not spending time with you . Just wish that I could duplicate more of myself , so that I could fufill everything that I wanna do in this lifetime ..

Anyway , Tiger should be angry with me now . Im sorry for not joining you .. But I do hope that you could come to realise that Im the one whose unable to spend more leisure time with my family and friends , cause I would be with you all the time except for work .. So please try to understand my plight . Im really putting in my best efforts to be a good girlfriend and casting away invitations from others .

My heart felt so ever tattered and torn ..

~ { Thursday, August 02, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

~`♥ The Message

~`♥ The Lady

~`♥ Love Aint Lust

~`♥ Friends For Keep

~`♥ Bygones = Memories