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Thursday, February 21, 2008
__* 3.50 am .`+
i dont give a damn abt how others think or say . but as my friend , you chose to believe in rumours and look upon me as one kind .. for this , i have nothing more to say . but it's okay , you know this will only make our friendship even distant than ever . it's fine with me cause i dont wish to bother myself with people like you .. even you apologise , but so what ? you think i care . i had NEVER taken other's words into heart , thats why im always happy with what and who i am . say whatever you want .. as if it's gonna make me feel a thing ?

the above message is to "you know who u are" ..

what's happening right now , is only gonna make me stronger .. i know who my true friends are , and who are those hypocrites not to trust . thanks for the comment . makes me realise that ur such a digusting person .. kind on the outside , but ugly underneath .

~ { Thursday, February 21, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Wednesday, February 20, 2008
__* 2.55 am .`+
if you dont know things about me and Darick , pls dont anyhow make ur judgements on me ..

when i together with him , my ex msg . i did not reply his msg .. Darick saw my msg and replied him asking him to fuck off and dont bother me anymore . we quarrelled . why ? not because i want to stay in contact with my ex .. is cause i felt that i should at least have a say in who my friends are . somemore when my heart is devoted in someone , it will never change . together with him , again like the past i stay 24 hours with him .. sometimes he sneak go out , leaving me alone at home to wait for him . do you understand how fcuk that feeling is ? when he can go out play , but im the one waiting patiently for his return .. i didn even go back home , cause he doesnt want me to . he's scared if i go back sengkang then i'll meet guys . you know , the same mistakes keep appearing .. the trust is never there .

my parents disapprove us being together . why ? cause he's living off me , is what they told me . i agree partially . cause im the one whose working , while he's the one slacking at home after his lion dance .. the money he earns is lesser than mine . but of course i didnt mean that im paying everything .. he did paid , thats why i did not blame him for anything .

why i broke off and dont want go back anymore ? its not the 1st time that i wanted to pack and leave . you dont understand ok ? when we quarrelled , he could simply lose his mind and hit the wall hardly or bang everywhere .. even throw my clothes out of the window . he makes me felt insecure . i dont know why everytime quarrel will have such great reaction .. i know he loves me more than anything in the world . but i dont wish to stay with him if it's out of sympathy . i dont wish to hurt him anymore .. thats why i chose to let go at this point of time before everything's too late . i dont want my boyfriend to keep fight with me .. i dont want him to hurt himself either .

alot alot background stories between us , you guys dont even know . nobody knows how hurt i feel .. cause i dont say . if you dont know anything , dont anyhow judge me ok ? i dont need anyone to know who i really am . i dont need anyone to understand me .. i dont ask for anything , but just to lead a simple life . if he say im a bitch ? then what is he ? he wanna jio patch but then so fast got himself a girlfriend and claimed that she's the one he loves . what the hell ? now then i know , this is called Love . after broke off with him , i didnt even wanna hang out with guys .. only after he do things until like this , then i stopped wanting to love him . yes , he's pityful cause he dont have any family love . but so what ? does it means he has the right to resort to violence on me ? who am i ? someone to vent his anger on ? hais .. dont know what to say . i just wanna relax one corner ok .. please let me live .

~ { Wednesday, February 20, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, February 19, 2008
__* 5.04 am .`+
im really tired . i dont think i can move on any further without you .. it'd been six months and counting . nothing ever changes .. at least , not the pain .

in the past whenever i feel down , you're always the one beside me .. i could simply vent my anger by scolding you for no good reason . though it's ridiculous , but you'd always keep quiet and let me be . cause you know im upset over certain things and im not being myself .. everytime allow me to bully & tease you , pinch ur fat tummy , jump onto you out of a sudden for piggy-backs , make you walk few rounds just to get me drinks , pester you for acting childish with me , not letting you have ur sleep when i want you to accompany me longer .. & so much more . all of those memories never fail to bring back tears during the lonely nights .. i dont know why im back to where i was . maybe cause those guys out there just made me realise there's no one who can ever replace your position deep in my heart ..

i had never been happier , together with you . we never had anything to argue about .. cause you will mostly be the one giving in to me . even it's overboard , you will try ur best to accomodate . you told me that nobody had ever made you loved so much before , this i always remember . others may think it's dumb cause all these are only sweet-talkings .. but to me , they dont understand at all . you're the only one i truly wanna say , "i love u" . you're the only one , whom i always wanna remind and talk about .. for im proud to have you once .

the words i once said and promised , i'll be fufilling .
no matter what i have to do , i'll wait for you .. until the day you ask me not to . just like those past requests you'd made , asking me not to leave you before you do .

~ { Tuesday, February 19, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, February 18, 2008
__* 251107 - 140208 .`+
break liao . guess im much better off without him .. everyone dislike him , even my family . his reputation is totally ruined among my friends .. nobody approves us being together . i tried to love him back , and yes i know i did loved him . though not as much as for Xiang , but at least i tried .. but after all & all , everything just seems to fall back to square one . Xiang is still the one I think of , without fail . my boyfriends really treated me well .. good enough . but im not worth their efforts . no matter what they do , how they tried to move my heart .. my feelings for Xiang is still there . Wo Zhen De Hao Lei .. why i dont want to patch ? cause im really tired of deceiving everybody and telling myself that i no longer harbour thoughts over the past . sorry for making you upset .. i was left with no choice . you really think i dont feel a thing ? i do , but .. im tired . i dont wish to hold on anymore ..

~ { Monday, February 18, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, February 07, 2008
__* 4.12 am .+
Is it true what I heard ? It's kinda shocking cause this news actually broke out from my guy . He asked if Im waiting for "him" .. He said that his friend whose inside QRP , who knows my ex , told him that my ex miss me . I have no idea how this friend of his , knows who I am .. And why did my ex told him things about us ? Will "he" really think back on our past relationship ? Dont know why the world is so small .. Like that also can let me hear stuffs about him . Sigh .. Today is CNY . Later going relative's place with my family . But this year somehow seems different .. Feels so out of place .

I know my guy is trying very hard to make amendments for the wrong he'd done in the past .. I know he's treating me better than before . But , I really dont wish to disappoint him ..

~ { Thursday, February 07, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;