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Wednesday, September 30, 2009
__* 1.24 am .`+
It's still very hard to coop with my current life, everything seems so empty without him by my side. I thought I was strong enough to handle things on my own, I thought that I could be those type of say let go jiu let go person. But I dont know why.. Everywhere I go, I wish he was there with me. Every couple I see, I will miss him instead of like the past I will find some guys out there to be attached with, hoping they can give me happiness. Every Omnia phone I see, makes me feel like killing myself. Every road I see, makes me think of flashing images of me on his bike. Every passing motorbikes, makes me wanna turn back and see if it's him.. Each time I walked pass my block downstairs, are scattered memories of us sitting there chatting or his bike parking there, with him sitting down by the pavement playing car racing game on his phone while waiting for me.

Reached home just now, lied on my bed. Suddenly he came to mind.. & I changed back my hp wallpaper to our past picture. Tears rolled down.. I went to bathe. While bathing, I looked at the surrounding and it's really very spacious and weird. Reminds me of the past when the both of us were squeezing in a small bathroom together, I will scrub his back, help him wash hair, squeeze toothpaste for him after I finish brushing my teeth. Almost everything, he would be there by my side.. Even moving around the house, I will hold his hands and walked behind him. I remember he always like to shout "Bi" very loudly, no matter is regarding important or silly stuffs. Especially when Im doing my own things or watching cartoon, once he's hungry or thirsty sure will shout for me.. And he always behave like a small boy, asking for hugs with both his arms wide open. During night time, he will snuggle onto the bed next beside me and dug himself into my arms cuddling me tightly.. There was once, when I hugged him to sleep and the next morning I woke up seeing him drool on me.

Anyway, after I finish bathing. I saw a Sms and missed call from him.. And it's the "dont know how many times" that coincidently when I miss him terribly and surprisingly he will message or call me on that day. Sigh.. Simply miss everything, yet feeling so helpless and handicapped.




THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Wednesday, September 30, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, September 29, 2009
__* 1.35 pm .`+
Someone asked ,
what makes me stays on for him ?

Well ..
Maybe simply because .

To me ..
Love is despite how bad that person had treated you ,
you would still love and wanna care for him as much .
And nobody can take this feeling away ,
no matter how others made him out to be .

dont know why
他们说 , 很难猜透我的心到底在想些什么 ..
and Im a very "Hard to understand" person .

Actually ..
Im just like any other girls out there ,
Sad then cry .
angry then throw temper ..
Not good at words ,
always say the wrong things make people even frustrated .
A easily contented person .
As long as the one I love ,
loves me .
& that's already enough ..
I dont give a damn if he's rich or not ,
or if he's capable of providing expenses for me .
Because Im willing to go through poverty together with him .

That's also the reason why my Dad always say Im blind ..
Laughs .

Ohh ya ,
before I forget ..
Hope that person dont stress too much .
And ..
Study hard .
加油 !



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Tuesday, September 29, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, September 28, 2009
__* 12.38 am .`+
say i love, is a pain. say dont love, is a lie. so love or not love? i also dont know.. very confusing and complicating. want to move on also cannot, want to stay at the same old spot also seems wrong.. dont know what to do sial. sianz..




THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Monday, September 28, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, September 26, 2009
__* 12.07 am .`+
Wasnt feeling well the entire day, kept coughing and sneezing non-stop during work.. Jason was like my nanny, kept passing me tissues and Render kept asking if I need to go see doctor. I insisted not to, cause wait a few more days then is my off day already. Somemore weekend I want to chiong sales together with them, if not later sales not good then the boss blame us again. Render passed Jason money, asked him go buy 2 bottles of Chestnut Ginseng Tea for me and also buy the rest of them drinks.. Though drink alrdy, but still sneezing all the way until even knock off. 1st time feel so sick and uncomfortable from sneezing.. After work, 3 of us went to the hawker centre nearby to eat. Cause I said got one stall selling meatball soup like very nice, so asked if they wanna go eat tgt. Both of them very steady, straightaway agreed. Actually felt like drinking beer, but scared no toilet to run so I dropped the idea. Now slightly feeling better alrdy, hope tmr will fully recover.. Need to chiong sales for weekend. Cannot anyhow spend ler, money drying up liao.



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Saturday, September 26, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;
__* 12.57 am .`+
Just came back from work not long. Thought of quitting my job and go study next year.. But one thing that prompt me to stay, is that I have a kind & understanding Manager. I know this job aint taking me very far.. But it's hard to find colleagues who take care and look around for you.

At my workplace, I work with Senior Sales Executive Jason and Retail Manager Render. Jason is the one who always help me "kio sai" in my paperworks after every sales I clinch, and Render is the one who help me settle all misunderstandings. Im really fortunate.. Recently, just discovered that I forgot to collect a $100 for a customer's 1 year upgrade contract. She didnt made me pay, instead she said it's okay and asked me to be careful the next time.. About the money, all of us will work hard and pay together. For this, Im really moved.. She taught me how to do Mio Home, and now Im able to close all by myself. She also helped us to key in our sales incentives online both at workplace and at home till late, which we were supposed to key in our own. Jason said he wanna eat "Bah Gua" then few days later, she went to get 1/2 kg for us. Then as all of us were chatting, I mentioned that I like snow skin mooncakes. Few days later.. She went to Tampines in the morning to buy, missed her train, late for work. In the morning when she came, she passed to me a plastic bag.. In it, was a box of snow skin mooncakes from Bakerinz. Again, all of us eat together. Sometimes she even treat us in eating.. When I think back, she's really a thoughtful Manager.

As for Jason.. Sometimes when Im in really foul mood, I will scream at him. But he will never take it to heart. He's the one I always make fun and teased about.. Making all of us laugh. Though work is boring, but with Jason around for us to "di siao", it's never the same again.. =) Sometimes the things I dont know and I asked him. Can see he also dont know, but he always go one big round and say craps to me instead of getting to the point.. Makes me wanna laugh. But also thanks to him, for teaching me and helping me settle all the paperworks and wrong amendments that I need to do. The both of them also will show concern in my love life.. Always telling me to find someone who can take gd care of me, dont always find those Ah Beng. Haas.. They're really very cute. Really thanks alot to them that Im recovering fast, not letting my imaginations run wild during work when Im upset. Thank you.



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Saturday, September 26, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, September 24, 2009
__* 6.15 pm .`+
我不想一直把“爱”无价值地挂在嘴边，
这样只会显得做作。
也再也不会强迫你做出决定。。

我什么都可以不要，
只希望能看见你的微笑。

不管再痛，我都可以承受。
只因为是你。

我才明白，
爱一个人不一定要拥有。
只要他开心，
什么都已不重要。。



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Thursday, September 24, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, September 19, 2009
__* 2.47 am .`+
the day i changed my phone , i cried till my eyes were sore the previous night ..
because we agreed on the same phone ,
because we held the same model ,
because those were memories of us ,
because it means something to me ,
because you matters alot ..
but when you told me ur feelings has faded , what can i do?
hurt . upset . disappointed .
i'd nvr tell you the real reason why i change phone so sudden ..
because i dont want you to know that im weak ,
because i want to be strong and independent in front of you .
because i thought i can forget you better ,
because i dont wish to fall deeper .
but i was wrong ..
cause the memories are stucked in my head , and i cant change away my brain .
behind the brave fronts , who can understand those painful & unbearable feelings i have ?
lonely nights spent alone ,
where are you when i needed you most ?




THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Saturday, September 19, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Friday, September 18, 2009
__* 11.39 pm .`+
everything seems to change .. everyday no mood for work , temper gone from bad to worse . even the slightest thing could irritate me , causing me to lose temper .. hais . im sorry .. really sorry . it's not the right time to be with anyone now .. even that they wanna give me time to forget , wanna wait for me .. i really dont need any of those . those are not the things i want .. this is not the ending i expect . maybe they dont understand . i'd simply lost faith in relationship , in guys . i know some of them treat me really well , but im truly sorry .. i dont wish to deceive myself or anyone of them . im no longer a kid , im sick and tired of flirts or on & off relationships .. i just need time to be alone . to think what i really want in life .. before i get my thinkings right , i will not commit myself .






THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Friday, September 18, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, September 10, 2009
__* 7.15 pm .`+
If you ask me again, who would I choose to be with. Someone whom I love, or someone who loves me? My answer would still be the same.. I will choose someone I love. Just like how I let go of someone who dotes and loves me alot, for someone I love.. I'd rather be the one to give, than to let those who love me to. I know it's selfish of me, but at least my decision wasnt wrong.. He's getting married soon and Im happy for him.

Ytd Feng happened to ask, so now who I miss? Is it Tiger? No, it's not him. What happened between us was alrdy a history for such a long time.. Matthew is the one I love.



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Thursday, September 10, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, September 08, 2009
__* 1.13 am .`+
While I can only sit alone and reminisce memories of what's used to be, he may have already drifted to somewhere distant. Some place or with someone whom will make him happy.. Sick of faking smiles pretending Im fine, tired of deceiving the entire world & most of all.. Pathetically to myself. Everywhere I go, memories follow. The more I try to forget, it only makes things worse.. Lied umpteen times, reject and cast away many's invitations.. Sorry, I dont know what had become of me. All I need is just some quiet time to be alone.. I reached back home, finally decided to turn on my PSP and watch those movies that he had previously put for me. But then.. Some files seem to be corrupted, cant even detect the memory card. Makes me upset even though it's just a stupid lame thing..

I miss everything of us. The way he stared at me when we first met, the way he whispered in my ears saying he love me, the way he held my hands so tight as if it was nvr to let go, the way he kissed me on the forehead and hugged me all night till his hands become numb the next morning.. How he will call me up during work and asked if I'd eaten.. The long hours continuously talking on the phone, any topic under the sun.. Always accompany me watch cartoons even though he hates it, brings me along to meet his friends, brings me to eat supper after work, able to find a place for me to sit no matter how crowded the place is, walked a distance just to take a straw for my beer, always reminding me what's good for me and what's the wrong things not to do.. & so much more.. I even miss those quarrelling times we had ...



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Tuesday, September 08, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, September 05, 2009

This little quiz will reveal your attitude towards love.

Dear Ah Bit, below are your love test result:

1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the short road. You fall in love quickly and easily.

2. The number of... red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 50% and expect 50% in return.

3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself. You are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.

4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like seeing your boy/girlfriend. You place the roses on the bed. You like to see him/her a lot.

5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep, you love the person the way s/he is.

6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road. You will tend to stay in love for a long time.




THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Saturday, September 05, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Friday, September 04, 2009
__* 11.42 pm .`+
Despite all the things I'd done, tried to put in efforts, to make him stay, to make him understand how I felt.. He said that our thinkings are worlds apart. Last meal with him, controlling tears from falling.. No, Im not upset. For everything I'd done.. He thinks that Im simply nonsensical. Efforts made. Tears shed. Pain felt. No Im not upset.. I can dont think about money. I can easily find someone out there to pay for my expenses, but I did not. I'd rather be alone. Pay everything myself. From the beginning to the end, I'd nvr liked to rely on anyone. Cause I know if I do, I'd be in deeper loss than simply just out of love. Maybe cause age catches up, that is why I'd understand that one cant force to love.. Even that I really love you, I wont resort to begging you to stay. Your heart is not with me.. And it hurts even more to sink deeper. Although now, it do hurts.. But it's still bearable. Maybe that's what part and parcel of life is.. Im accepting things the way they are now. Eric Bro said, after a while I'd definitely be attached again very soon.. I just laughed together with them. They dont know how persistent I am this time.. So let time proves. I'd rather they think that Im always happy-go-lucky than sulking my problems and crying my heart out like in the past.. I nvr want to bother anyone with my problems. Im old enough alrdy. Im sick and tired of finding love in every guys I met, thinking that they will give me happiness.. Sad to say, I've changed.


Seasons may change, but never my heart.



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Friday, September 04, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, September 03, 2009
__* 6.20 pm .`+
那些痛像千万支针往心里扎。
一直扎，不断地扎。。

眼泪，
只不过。。
是一种解脱自己的唯一方式。



THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY ♥

~ { Thursday, September 03, 2009 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;