Thursday, October 30, 2008

__* 11.12 pm .`+

1st promise : call me every morning to wake me up for work
2nd promise : cannot ask me take out my piercings , but i wont pierce anymore either .

to be continued ..

~ { Thursday, October 30, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

__* 6.22 pm .`+

just got home not long , finished bathing ler .. refreshing ! ^^ yesterday ton over at friend place . actually wanted to go back de , but suddenly rain very big then cannot go home .

yesterday went rouding . got many people i dont know , so nvr talk much . earlier , only got Ah Pui , Ah Yong and me . went to Bugis play billard .. i watched them play . see them play billard , suddenly thought of someone .. dont know why Ah Pui asked me , "what causes you to pierce and tattoo so much ?" i say nothing la , for fun . then he say dont bluff , must be got some reasons behind or kana "chi ji" then change until like this . i said cause someone left my life a yr ago , and i start to change ler bah .. he told me to be a better person , not for others but for myself . i told him , i dont know . he asked what is the name of the person who made me changed .. i said his name . and true enough , he knows "him" .. this is the dunno how many person among my friends who knows "him" ler . i said but everything is the past ler , i dont miss him anymore . Ah Pui said , "dont bluff , when u talked about the past , ur heart like very sour .. see , ur eyes like watery liao . u cannot deceive me .. " then i realised my eyes really abit watery .

everytime i dont wanna think of him , someone out there will come ask me "ehh , whr ur tiger ?" .. even i say no contact anymore , they'll still ask the same qns whenever they see me . & really , this feeling is awful ..

as for CW , nvr contact ler . sometimes i sit down alone and will suddenly think of him .. i know i had let him down . because of my selfishness , i chose to let him go .. i will feel sad at times , cause he is someone who gave me all his heart . but i think the past wont return ler .. i also dont know what i want exactly .

越等越伤心 ..

~ { Thursday, October 30, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

__* 1.40 am .`+

good luck to you guys .. can see ur getting someone u liked soon . as for me , maybe this is all i ever wanted ; to be alone for a very long period of time , to forget everything that had ever happened & every passer-bys .

~ { Tuesday, October 28, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Sunday, October 26, 2008

__* 4.42 pm .`+

after my birthday , i plan to quit my current job and leave everything behind ..
maybe i will be MIA since then .

~ { Sunday, October 26, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

__* 3.44 am .`+

hope i dont fall for anyone .. better not be him .

my leg is slowly recovering ler .. walking of stairs aint much difficulties for me anymore . finally ~ after limping around for days .. but still can go rouding . LOL ! cock sial .

~ { Sunday, October 26, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, October 25, 2008

__* 1.08 am .`+

wish i could turn back time ..
i miss you .
because of you ,
i stayed on ..
waiting .
im still at the same old spot ,
but where are you ?
memories are fading ..

~ { Saturday, October 25, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

__* 3.55 pm .`+

those 2 movies i haven watch before too ..

~ { Wednesday, October 22, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

__* 11.50 am .`+

tmr is the day . maybe we wont ever meet again ler .. im upset . but i dont wish to grieve over his things ler . i dont wish to be the one at his call whenever he needs me .. i need someone to be at my call instead . i dont wanna be the stupid one to sit at home and wondering what he's doing outside , waiting for him .. so lets just say i will move on .

went to polyclinic with Bestie in the afternoon . actually doctor says need injection , but i insist not to .. both of us got 2 days MC . anyway good for me , cause after the 2 days will be my off day ! can rest more .. just now all the way limping around , damn pain when sit down and get up again . we went back to her place and eat .. her Mum's cooking is delicious ! hees .. somemore is curry , my fav . then sit there watch tv and slack around till 6 plus then we went down to Hougang Plaza Kbox sing till 10 pm . cause both very tired ler .. then go downstairs eat Western Food . and got back home now ..

rest awhile first then go bathe .. later come out still must put "Green Grass Oil" on my wounds . siannx .. =.=" tmr going out with Bestie again . LOL !

~ { Tuesday, October 21, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

__* 1.57 am .`+

okay , so we went to report . then go tampines play arcade and eat prata .. bought 4 silver lip studs for myself . there's Ah Di , GZ , Bestie and me . after that went to Changi .. actually want go Pulau Ubin , but went to OCH first . & im having a very bad day ! cause i suffered quite a few bruises and cuts on my limbs ! in fact , both my legs are quite badly scarred now .. tmr MC ! morning will be going polyclinic take MC with Bestie , cause she's injured too . of course , minor compared to mine .. but is my fault to cause her fall . i was riding in front of her when i skidded and the bicycle overturned landing on myself . haas .. damn damn bad day ! thought will have a good experience for my first trip there .. well , must say things aint always expected . lols ..

most importantly , i prayed for 'his" safety & every friends' around me . haiis .. so pain ! & got my hand fractured too .what a blessing uhs . anyway , thanks Kwang for coming down to see if im okay .. and Felix for his concern . of course , not forgetting Sandra too . last but not least , thanks alot Bestie for taking care of me all the way through , even though she's hurt ! :D

~ { Tuesday, October 21, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, October 20, 2008

__* 12.47 am .`+

tmr need wake up go AMK report . it's irritating , but it's also the only day Bestie & me can get off day together . & we're going Pulau Ubin together with GZ and SK . (:
now at Hougang Plaza with Bestie & GZ . just now play pool then now spend time using internet here .. stupid , cause my house got unlimited broadband access yet im wasting money using this laggy fcuked internet connection .

yesterday night was saddened by shocking news from "Him" .. he called to tell me some things , which i dont think i have the need to let the whole world know . I only told Bestie about it . i didnt expect him to call , cause i thought that we're quit for now .. and then , he start to appear in my life again .. but once again , not for long . i cried for more than an hour last night after putting down the phone .. i was in a loss . i dont know how to react and why only after things happen , then he tell me .. isnt it too late now ? i feel so helpless , there's nothing i can do . im losing him .. and lost him .

you told me to go find you , i did not . i dont wish to see you now , and miss you even more in future when ur gone .. im struggling to hold back every temptations to be back with you , even that happiness wont last . thats why my tears are falling .. when u will be gone . i asked you to give me a reason to find you , you stumbled upon ur words . i can give up everything for you , but you cant .. thats why im disappointed . i always thought that you would learn how to behave and be a better person after ur out , but guess im utterly wrong .

well , i know time will heals every wound & mends back broken pieces of my heart someday .. maybe by then , i wont even remember who you are anymore .

~ { Monday, October 20, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Sunday, October 19, 2008

__* without you .`+

i just cant stop .. the tears keep falling uncontrollably .. i really dont know what to do .

"He" called .. to tell me that ytd he fought with people at Dragonfly , and that he will be going in soon again . this Wed is his court hearing .. all of a sudden , i feel so lost . i called Ah Bee to asked if what he said was true .. and he said yes ..

i asked him why he called to tell me all these .. he said he want me to know where he will be . and i say then ? i will write letters again to you ? and cry myself out at night ? .. he said if i dont want , can dont write .. he asked if i wanna go find him . but i didnt .. i really , really want to . but .. i did not .

~ { Sunday, October 19, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, October 18, 2008

__* 2.30 am .`+

now you must be outside enjoying ur life with lots of friends around you . living ur life to the fullest , is what you always wanted bahs . i think i should be happy for you de .. maybe there's alrdy no more "me" in ur memories , maybe u'd alrdy moved on . im trying to catch up with ur steps .. & not think back anymore . it's the first time , nvr flirt around lers .. you might not know the reasons behind my changes , and u will not know . cause i will be happy as long i know you are . i will be happy de ..

dont ask me why i dont accept this or that .. who is good or whatsoever . im really tired ler .

~ { Saturday, October 18, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

__* 12.39 am .`+

today work with Bestie & Winter . nothing special , today our outlet is the top sales of all ! hees . finally , our efforts doesnt go to waste .. we will prove our worthy in work , wont let Boss see us down . work is work , play is play .. anyway , CW came down to pass me my clothings . Bestie said , if it's for Darick he wouldnt have done so .. like how he had dragged and dont want to return till now . true enough , when i asked Darick if my clothings are still with him .. he replied no more . it's okay , cause im not that pathetic enough to cant even afford a few clothings ! lol . so CW came down , and he gave me a small bottle of perfume in addition . i know that he's upset , i can somehow see it through his eyes .. it'll be the last time we'll ever meet , i guess . went for a short smoking break with him .. chatted for awhile , then went back to work ler . thanks for coming down to pass me my belongings .. take care . promise me that u'll continue to stay happy without me .. and move on to find a better girl who's truly worthy of ur love . sorry for everything .. im now getting my paid-back and what i deserved for my wrongs .

after work , Bestie , Guo Zheng , Sai Kit & me slack outside Causeway Point our usual spot . wait for last bus then go back home ler ..

yesterday i stayed up till 3 plus in the morning to read back my past blog entries . those .. regarding the past , while i was still with "Him" . & tears just cant help falling and falling , like a running tap . Brother was sleeping soundly , and i was weeping silently in front of the com like an idiot .. haas . well , but deep down i gotta convinced myself that he's alrdy gone ler .. though time and time again , i would mention his name to my friends . but when they give me a LJ face , i know im just thinking too much ..

" 1 year ago , you were all i ever need . friends all i never care a damn for .. only you . 24 hrs just you alone makes me contented .. happy or sad moments , we shared together with each other closely by our sides . together was never a easy task to begin with .. having to face gossips and disagreements , we managed to make it through them all . every morning before u go to work , nvr fail to kiss me on the forehead .. then i would wake up and lazily walked you to the door , hugging ur bolster in my arms , kissing you bidding goodbye . then walked back to ur room and sleep .. whenever i open my eyes , ur always the first one i see . cause when u come back home , u'll jump onto the bed and hug me .. awoken from my sleep , i would hugged you and say "dardar , u come liao ler ah .." then after that , we will go downstairs to have our lunch together .. when walking back to ur place , i always prowled onto ur back for no reason and ask u to run faster while piggy-back me . still rmb i always bully you .. when eat KFC , always lazy to dirty my hands . then will ask you to peel for me .. though unwilling , but u still did upon my wilful request . when thirsty at night , always ask u to walk out to take drinks for me no matter how tired u are or even that ur alrdy going to fall asleep .. everyday , always disturb dont let u sleep even that ur waking up early for work . ask you to talk and play with me .. then i would di-siao you for quite awhile before u finally get to sleep . when go out , u always ask if i wanna go along . if i dont want , then u would push away invitations from others and ask ur friends to come over ur place instead .. got 1 night i dreamt that you ran away with other girls , then i woke up crying . you woke up too , and hugged me in ur arms telling me not to think so much , it's just a dream .. no matter how broke u are , u'll always buy tibits for me to munch at night .. when buying tibits , u will always say want take what jiu take . then always end up buy alot .. even no money , u also will find ways not to let us starve . even times are hard , but u also wont say it out .. always keeping quiet , keeping everything to urself .. taking everything down . whenever my mood swings , ur always the one to be scolded .. and im always the one , to come and go as i like . though u often complain say i always run back home , i also nvr care abt you . and this .. i really regretted . when u asked me to accompany u to work in the morning , i should have . i should have .. spend more time with you , insteading of lazing around at ur place and sleep till afternoon . but when i finally went out to the society and start working for ur sake .. things changed . i didnt have enough time for you , and you turned to your peers . and everything wasnt the same as before ler .. but worse still , i didnt have enough trust on you . guess i had depend on u too much .. and .. this led to our parting . 1 year later .. we're almost the same as strangers . the only thing is , my heart is still feeling the same .. the same aching as before .. "

~ { Tuesday, October 14, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, October 13, 2008

__* 1.01 am .`+

other than HIM , my heart has no extra places for anyone else . yesterday he called me 3 plus in the morning , i was sleeping .. he asked what im doing , and i said sleeping . then asked where he is .. he said he's at Dragonfly with his big one . then i went back to sleep ler .. dont know why he called me for ? was surprised to receive his call though . i miss him alot .. dont know still need wait how long to be back to the past like what we used to . but not say wait for him , rather should say alrdy no mood to fall in love with others ler .. dont wish to waste anybody's time also . anyway , i quite enjoy my life now . when free , go slack around with Bestie and some other friends if not stay home be good girl and spend quality time with my family even if it's just watching tv together . hope 20th faster come , go back report and nothing happen .. then OUR life will be back again . hees ! (:

~ { Monday, October 13, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, October 11, 2008

__* 9.43 pm .`+

woke up not long , just finish eating the duck rice i'd asked Bro to packet for me in the early afternoon . but now alrdy like 9 plus at night ler .. didnt eat finish , cause the rice is hard . then father packet Rojak for me now .. later awhile then go eat . cause now drying hair .. later dont wish go anywhere . Bestie asked me go OCH with 246 people celebrate Kian Wee birthday , but i didnt want to . somemore tmr got work as usual .. today im spending my off day sleeping and idling at home . actually in the morning say want meet Xiao Long , but i didnt feel like going .. so slept all the way through now lor . sorry uhs .. dont know why nowadays like so moody . all i know is dont think so much . and just continue working my life away ..

~ { Saturday, October 11, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

__* 5.09 am .`+

"你不开心, 我还是不是原因?"

just now after work went to watch movie with Bestie at Pasir Ris E-hub . before that went to Superdog and eat .. damn expensive . 1 meal costs exactly $10 .. but nvr eat before , so worth trying la . while waiting for 2am our movie , we went to play cards .. 1 hr $3 , then the staff come join us . cause need 3 player .. he taught us how to play lor . after movie , CW came down .. he got chalet nearby . chatted for awhile and cabbed back sengkang with Bestie .. didnt join him . sorry .. i also dont know why i changed until like this . maybe become cold-blooded already ..

im beginning to let go of everything . didnt feel so much of a pain when Woodlands people di-siao me keep saying about "him" .. i start to feel numb ler . hear his name also not so sad liao .. i told them we nvr contact each other ler .. so dont mention anything related to him .

Bee said that "He" really still care for me .. Bee didnt wanna tell me much . he only told me that "He" cannot take it when I went with others while "He" was inside .. thats why "He" slim down alot now . say until like all my fault only lor .. is "He" ownself broke with me first before go in par okay ! then KNN . hong with other girls , so we quarrelled and he broke with me .. then i got new boyfriend after breakup also got wrong meh ? "He" can outside flirt , then i cannot ?? somemore if "He" had asked me to wait for him , i sure wont do stupid stupid things outside one lor . everything also is he say .. i do what also wrong . fcuk lor , from last time till now is like nvr change at all lor .. everything also dont want to say out , always keep quiet . then how the hell i know how "He" feels ! IDIOT .

~ { Saturday, October 11, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Friday, October 10, 2008

__* 1.19 am .`+

after waiting for so long , in the end also get nothing . now then i realised the meaning of one cant forced to love .. in relationship , im seldom the one who have to wait and love .. i was often the one , others try to get or get back . now im the one whose foolishly waiting for him .. did everything i could to revive and salvage . but things didnt turn out as expected .. he's still , gone . we didnt contact each other anymore . i didnt call or msg him no more .. and he too . he gave me hopes while he's inside .. but now .. im all alone . rejecting others and everyone else . i just wanna be alone .. and continue this way . i dont wish to be in close contact with any guys ler . and this is the dont know how long that im single liao .. nowadays keep hanging around with Bestie . so my life now , is purely just work .. and after work , go out with her . i'd given up hopes ler .. i dont need any guys now .

~ { Friday, October 10, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

__* 12.42 am .`+

ever since the last time i met him , i'd totally lost interest in guys after that . sorry for always putting plane , it's just that i dont wish to be in close contact with any guys anymore .. if i really want "lan hong", just now go Bugis alrdy given that guy my number , but i didnt . my heart is like a fallen angel whose lost her directions , and can no longer fly back heaven no more . like this also not bad . with nobody manipulating my life .. do whatever i want . no longer have to worry about anyone or anything ..

~ { Tuesday, October 07, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, October 06, 2008

__* 6.57 am .`+

Dad stood in front of the praying table for quite some while , with both hands holding joss sticks .. I reckon he's praying to God about me . Just now didnt expect him to come down .. Eldest Brother came along too . Because of me , they woke up early .. Now Brother had gone earlier for work at camp . Mum was frustrated .. She said she wouldnt bother to waste her time on me anymore . For some reasons , I can sense that they're heart-broken ..

It's the first time I wore Rolex today . To me , I didnt think that it's a big bird deal .. But I was wrong , when I saw those disappointing expressions on Dad's face . Thanks for coming , and not giving up hopes on me .. Sorry for making people worried about me ; especially CW .

on the 20th still have to go report , case isnt closed yet . well .. really sorry Bestie , thanks for staying with me all the way till the end . im really touched when you said this to me while we're in QX , "we will always be 1 heart .." really , thanks for being there with me through thick and thin , high or low . we'll be okay de .. hugs ! =]

~ { Monday, October 06, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Saturday, October 04, 2008

__* 11.40 pm .`+

got myself a Gan-Didi , mr Paranoid ! mwahahs .. finally keep young peeps be my Gans . previously got alot people keep asking me keep them as Gan-Didi or Meimei , but i rejected . lols . cause i think Paranoid is worth keeping since all of us can click well ! (:

these days , i kept thinking .. why he never call or msg me ? when i called him , he seems to be concerned about me . but if so , why hasnt he bothered to contact me first ? SO , i finally made up my mind .. i'd rather tell myself that now he doesnt belong to me , than to suffer inside thinking he aint mine anymore . dont understand also nvm , i understand can liao . as long as i dont think of him anymore , i'll be happy again .. i'll get back my life . i will move on de .. wont call and bother him ler .

thanks for the past wonderful memories .. it's you , who made me realised that i could be so perserverance and determined for someone i love . i will learn to let you go .. but meanwhile , i also wont find anyone ler . sick and tired of making efforts and racking my brain to make someone happy when in the end all i ever get back is hurt and pain .. haas ! so im a good girl now , even without you . goodbye my love ..

tmr working with Winter alone , for the 1st time . cant imagine .. stupid Bestie OFF AGAIN !

~ { Saturday, October 04, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, October 02, 2008

__* 11.01 pm .`+

didnt meet CW as planned again . cause dont know how to face him .. instead of seeing him and causing more hurt & sufferings , i'd rather not . i do miss the past too .. but i will not turn back anymore . i stayed home the entire day , only went downstairs have dinner with my neighbour Gabriel . nowadays not much appetite .. one meal is enough to last me for the entire day , somemore everytime only eat one quarter of the food then throw liao . also dont know why dont have mood to eat .. maybe im feeling terrible inside too . keep smoking .. even smoke till headache still continue to puff away .

im really sorry .. i know you tried ur best to give ur everything .. to make me happy , not to think about the past . always think of programs , always wanna bring me out together with ur friends .. everyday give me morning call without fail , even if it is to stay awake and not sleep just to call me wake up for work .. always come down causeway find me .. i know de . i just kept mum but it doesnt mean i dont know how much u did for me . forcing myself to cast you away , i dont feel any better either .. but i really dont know what i need and want . maybe i just want nothing and nobody else to step into my life again ..

~ { Thursday, October 02, 2008 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

__* 4.06 am .`+

just now in bus while with Bestie , tears welled up and i gotta keep blinking and winking the tears away .. lols . stupid sial . hmm , went future park with her after work . she went to Bedok bought me a hoodie ! though i dont like , but i will wear during work .. cause is she choose one . haas .. thanks sial . (:

there's a guy who treats me well .. i know im fcuking taking it for granted . but i really dont wish to deceive myself anymore .. my heart has no room for anyone else . it's always a million SORRY and nothing more .. thats all i can say for now .

ytd quarrelled . today so-so .. tmr .. think will be gone .. soon . im wasting time now .. waiting for something that's mission impossible . sorry , i touched again cause im really damn fcuking stressed . please , give me a break . a space to breathe .. a slot for my own self .