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Friday, October 19, 2007
__* It's Always You ..`+
If we were still together , 2 more days would be our 6th month .. But here I am all alone .

I dont wish to just grab any guy out there and claim that I love him when I dont at all .. Can you feel what Im feeling right now ?

It's really stupid a thing to be waiting , when nobody knows what will happen after you come out . Nobody knows if we will still love each other as much .. Or even , will you still have feelings for me or not ? And what's more , you dont know Im still waiting .. Waiting for your answer which you said you would definitely give , before you went in . I really dont know what else to do ..

Lot 1 is much quieter now . Especially when Kbox & Kpool has been closed down .. All the familiar faces I once knew , seemed to have disappear . I had once thought of quitting my job and leaving this sorrowful place of memories for good . But I just dont have enough courage .. I dont want to forget you .

Do you remember the day how we become an item ? I still remember it all so clear . That day after I met up with you at your place , you walked me down the long dark path leading to the shopping mall .. As we were walking , you asked if I was willing to be ur girl . I told you that Im not sure cause I dont want you to quarrel with ur bro if we're together as that time he also got a crush on me .. You said not to care what others say , if they wanna talk behind us then so be it . Cause as long as we're serious abt each other and last long in this relationship , they will change their opinion abt us someday .. I took belief in ur words and finally agreed . But you were still not quite convinced , you asked for a hug to prove that it's real .. We hugged , in the middle of the pathway . Afterwhich you unreluctantly sent me to meet my friends go rouding . You wanted me to accompany you and tell them that you're my guy , but I insisted not to .. I wanted you to cover off ur ex-gf's name which is tattooed on ur arms first , before I would tell my friends that Im attached . We made this promise .. You promised that you will do it when you have the money to . I believe you . I believe every words that you said .. Even after we're together for a few months already , you have not fufill ur promise . But I kept quiet .. I didnt mention much abt it . Your friends kept talking abt ur ex in front of me , still I kept mum .. Because I did not wanna let my imaginations run wild .
I chose to trust you .

The days we spent together .. The places we went to . I have never forget . Going drinking with ur Brother , Ah Sheng , Ah Kok , Ah Xiong and many more .. Having dinner with ur family , going out together with ur friends .. Even fighting , I'd seen you done so before . You brought me closely with you every single outing . Because of you , I went out to find jobs . I went out to work , to earn money .. Cause I dont wish to be looked down by ur family . I wanted everything to go smoothly for us .. Thats why I quit being a spoilt brat , asking money from parents . I had changed alot alot .. All only because I wanted us to last .

The lame things that you'd done when I insisted you to .. My stubborn requests .. You always try to fufill them all and make me happy . But I did not realise .. I had gradually taken you for granted . Maybe because Im always having you by my side every now and then , that is why I had forgot .. Sigh . Because of supporting me , you have to starve urself . I know . I only kept it to myself .. Going out , always not having enough money to catch a movie . Eating , always have to pay for my share .. And you know that I eat alot . Even after eating , you will still wanna buy tibits for me just because you know it's my favourite . During drinking sessions , also have to pay .. Sometimes , not enough money to buy 2 packets of cigarettes .. And you would give in to me and smoke Menthol Light when you only smoke Red . I want to buy a soft-toy , you gave me money . Even if you dont have money to eat the next day , you will still give me money to buy the things I want .. I know you earn only 800 bucks monthly and it's not sufficient for the both of us . Ur parents always nagged at you , asking where your money gone to ? Why always so broke .. You only crapped saying you dont know . But the fact is that you do know it's mainly because of me ..
I had been a burden to you .

Friends often asked what is it that you're so unwilling to let go and move on ? He's just a stupid ah beng . You can surely find someone better .. I dont know how to answer them . Cause I cant tell them in details what we'd been through together or the things we had done for each other .. I cant convince them that , to me , you're a really good boyfriend . That is why I never really did know how to reply ..

Though we're so apart , but really hope you wont forget that you're still the one I loved most ..
And nothing will take this love away .
Be it 2 years or 200 years , I will wait for you ..


*This is 1 of the contents in the letters i wrote him .
wrote 2 times cause when I was writing , my tears smudged one of the papers ..
& I gotta rewrite it all over again .

~ { Friday, October 19, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;