Wednesday, October 31, 2007

__* 4.03 am .`+

I miss you , I really do . Often , I tried to forget all the past memories .. I force myself not to remember .. So much that the tears kept falling . It's hard not to think .. It's hard wanting to let go . It's like a chore I have to do everyday .. A daily routine ..

I really cant do it . I really cant bring myself to forget you , to forget every single words you said to me .. I dont know why . Im really fucking tired .. Everything I do , reminds me of you . Everywhere I go , is reminded of you .. I just wish I could turn back time , and go back to where we used to be . Back to the days we both love each other so .. Back to the days , whenever after work I go back ur place , you would hug me tightly ..

Every night I tried to sleep .. I tossed and turn in bed , but I just cant stop thinking of you .. I really dont know whatelse to do . I dont know why my feelings for you are so strong .. So deep , so deep .. Dont know why tears are falling again .. Days without you , I'd never felt so ever lost before like now .. I dont think I could ever find another guy I'd love as much as I do for you .

*Waiting .. 2 months o9 days , and counting on .

~ { Wednesday, October 31, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, October 25, 2007

__* 1.29 am .`+

Today Darick's Mum called . She told me that he went in QRP for 3 months .. I know abt it already , cause that day I called Roger and he told me . She said that Darick wanted her to inform me .. And that after she had all the documents done , she will bring me go visit him together . Sounds kinda weird that his Mum actually asked me to go with her .. Btw , that day while chatting with him on the phone , he jio patch . But I rejected ..

Well , anyway I think something must have happened to Marcus . He messaged me last night .. Apologising for not contacting me as often . Cause he dont want me to feel sad as he is going back to report at police station today . He wants me to know that he will always love me .. Sigh .

Xiao Fu got messaged me . Asking if I have boyfriend now .. I said No . He didnt replied after that .

Derrick Bro asked if he still stand a chance . It's been the "dont know how many" times he'd popped out this question .. But I told him that Im waiting for my ex . He said that he will wait for me ..

*Dont know how Tiger is now ..

Boss told me that he'll be putting me at Woodlands new outlet by November for the time being . I really dont wish to go .. I wanna wait for someone . But really no choice have to leave .. No doubts , I will still continue my wait no matter where I am ..

~ { Thursday, October 25, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

__* 1.15 am .`+

Dont know is no fate or what . Today Jolyn told me , his mum and brother came into the shop soon after I stepped out a few seconds ago but I didnt see them .. Dont know why have to be such coincidence , Anabelle they all got problem then I go down basement find them . What the fuck ? Sigh .

Thinking back , I'd been working at The Bluez for 3 months plus .. If minus away the time while I and him were still together , then can say I had been working in this company for 2 months after our breakup . And dont know why I think can be considered rather serious in this job already .. Not to say punctuality , cause Im staying quite far . But in the way as in , if the night before , I went drinking with friends .. No matter drink until how drunk , vomitted like fuck .. The next day I will still attend work . And even if I am so sick or running a fever , I will STILL go to work . Till now , I realised that I havent gotten any MC or perform any of my past stupid stunts .. Didnt thought that I could be so serious working .. If I didnt remember wrongly , the only particular "MC" i got .. was the day he broke with me .

Haix .. I also wanna seh like everyone else . I also wish to forget everything .. But why after seh the next day wake up , the feeling's more worse ? Is love really so hard to stay .. ?

~ { Tuesday, October 23, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Friday, October 19, 2007

__* It's Always You ..`+

If we were still together , 2 more days would be our 6th month .. But here I am all alone .

I dont wish to just grab any guy out there and claim that I love him when I dont at all .. Can you feel what Im feeling right now ?

It's really stupid a thing to be waiting , when nobody knows what will happen after you come out . Nobody knows if we will still love each other as much .. Or even , will you still have feelings for me or not ? And what's more , you dont know Im still waiting .. Waiting for your answer which you said you would definitely give , before you went in . I really dont know what else to do ..

Lot 1 is much quieter now . Especially when Kbox & Kpool has been closed down .. All the familiar faces I once knew , seemed to have disappear . I had once thought of quitting my job and leaving this sorrowful place of memories for good . But I just dont have enough courage .. I dont want to forget you .

Do you remember the day how we become an item ? I still remember it all so clear . That day after I met up with you at your place , you walked me down the long dark path leading to the shopping mall .. As we were walking , you asked if I was willing to be ur girl . I told you that Im not sure cause I dont want you to quarrel with ur bro if we're together as that time he also got a crush on me .. You said not to care what others say , if they wanna talk behind us then so be it . Cause as long as we're serious abt each other and last long in this relationship , they will change their opinion abt us someday .. I took belief in ur words and finally agreed . But you were still not quite convinced , you asked for a hug to prove that it's real .. We hugged , in the middle of the pathway . Afterwhich you unreluctantly sent me to meet my friends go rouding . You wanted me to accompany you and tell them that you're my guy , but I insisted not to .. I wanted you to cover off ur ex-gf's name which is tattooed on ur arms first , before I would tell my friends that Im attached . We made this promise .. You promised that you will do it when you have the money to . I believe you . I believe every words that you said .. Even after we're together for a few months already , you have not fufill ur promise . But I kept quiet .. I didnt mention much abt it . Your friends kept talking abt ur ex in front of me , still I kept mum .. Because I did not wanna let my imaginations run wild .
I chose to trust you .

The days we spent together .. The places we went to . I have never forget . Going drinking with ur Brother , Ah Sheng , Ah Kok , Ah Xiong and many more .. Having dinner with ur family , going out together with ur friends .. Even fighting , I'd seen you done so before . You brought me closely with you every single outing . Because of you , I went out to find jobs . I went out to work , to earn money .. Cause I dont wish to be looked down by ur family . I wanted everything to go smoothly for us .. Thats why I quit being a spoilt brat , asking money from parents . I had changed alot alot .. All only because I wanted us to last .

The lame things that you'd done when I insisted you to .. My stubborn requests .. You always try to fufill them all and make me happy . But I did not realise .. I had gradually taken you for granted . Maybe because Im always having you by my side every now and then , that is why I had forgot .. Sigh . Because of supporting me , you have to starve urself . I know . I only kept it to myself .. Going out , always not having enough money to catch a movie . Eating , always have to pay for my share .. And you know that I eat alot . Even after eating , you will still wanna buy tibits for me just because you know it's my favourite . During drinking sessions , also have to pay .. Sometimes , not enough money to buy 2 packets of cigarettes .. And you would give in to me and smoke Menthol Light when you only smoke Red . I want to buy a soft-toy , you gave me money . Even if you dont have money to eat the next day , you will still give me money to buy the things I want .. I know you earn only 800 bucks monthly and it's not sufficient for the both of us . Ur parents always nagged at you , asking where your money gone to ? Why always so broke .. You only crapped saying you dont know . But the fact is that you do know it's mainly because of me ..
I had been a burden to you .

Friends often asked what is it that you're so unwilling to let go and move on ? He's just a stupid ah beng . You can surely find someone better .. I dont know how to answer them . Cause I cant tell them in details what we'd been through together or the things we had done for each other .. I cant convince them that , to me , you're a really good boyfriend . That is why I never really did know how to reply ..

Though we're so apart , but really hope you wont forget that you're still the one I loved most ..
And nothing will take this love away .
Be it 2 years or 200 years , I will wait for you ..

*This is 1 of the contents in the letters i wrote him .
wrote 2 times cause when I was writing , my tears smudged one of the papers ..
& I gotta rewrite it all over again .

~ { Friday, October 19, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Thursday, October 11, 2007

__* 7.48 pm .`+

Today didnt run anywhere .
Stayed at home the entire day , thinking of him ..

Tomorrow will be going work as usual . Journey to work each day is indeed long & tiring .. Also , costy . Made my travelling expenses gone up quite alot . But it's okay cause I know this is just one small part of the process .
Call me stupid , call me dumb . But I dont care .. ='(

Hope the on-coming sentence wont be too harsh for him . *Sigh -
"My heart will always be with you .. "

~ { Thursday, October 11, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Monday, October 08, 2007

__* 2.58 am .`+

I don't wish to remember that you're no longer by my side ,
cause I don't wanna forget you .
I just wanna keep you close to my heart so I could think of you wherever I am or whatever I do ..

Even if loving you brings pain , I will still love you . Xiang -

~ { Monday, October 08, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

Friday, October 05, 2007

__* 1.52 am `+

Though long the past , yet so livid in my mind .
Please come back .. I need you .
But .. Will I still have a place in your heart ?

~ { Friday, October 05, 2007 }
被你爱过我真的很快乐 ;

~`♥ The Message

~`♥ The Lady

~`♥ Love Aint Lust

~`♥ Friends For Keep